Dear Annie: When parents help one child who had legal troubles they are cut off by their other child
DEAR ANNIE: We have two adult children in their 20s. Child A got herself into a legal situation and asked for our help, which we provided. We told no one of the situation because it wasn’t anyone’s business, and it was private. Child B learned of this and isn’t speaking to us for not disclosing the information.
We explained that it wasn’t for us to disclose and told him to speak to his brother if he has any issues or concerns. We have been cut off from Child B for “lying, toxic behavior and gaslighting.” We have tried to initiate a conversation to clear things up, but Child B insists on written communication only. It is killing my wife that Child B will not speak with us. How do we move forward? — Trying to Respect All Parties
DEAR TRYING: So long as Child A’s legal troubles did not have an impact on anyone else’s safety or well-being, then you did the right thing by respecting his privacy. It’s nice that both your children know that they can go to you with any issue, big or small, and you will be there to support them without judgment.
Child B might feel left out; he might feel entitled to know more about the situation given that he is a member of the family; or he might be upset that his brother got into legal trouble in the first place. Explain to him that it simply was not your information to share. He should feel comforted by the fact that he can trust you both if and when he ever has an equally sensitive problem.
MORE FROM DEAR ANNIE:
Dear Annie: My parents have advised that I date multiple people at once
Dear Annie: My husband will kick off his retirement